A client once told me:
“I finally said no, pushed back and communicated in a constructive way.”
That “no” was proof that they can do things differently (no people pleasing, perfectionism or avoidance).
They were struggling to communicate in an assertive way with their team leader before exploring this topic together.
Throughout our sessions, they identified and expressed the obstacles in their communication, they defined what an assertive, respectful message sounds like.
They practised by role playing in a low stakes environment and by communicating assertively with other people in their lives.
In a short time the client became more confident in their ability, in their message and started communicating assertively with their leader too.
They recognised their progress and that motivated them to continue.
This small win fueled further progress because:
- The action was specific: say one clear, respectful no in a defined situation.
- The risk was calibrated. They practised in low-stakes environments first, which reduced fear and built familiarity before moving to a higher-stakes conversation.
- The focus was on behaviour. Instead of asking “What’s wrong with me?”, they asked “What would assertive communication look like in this case? What do I need to do to make it happen?”
- Action came before confidence. Confidence didn’t magically appear first. Rather, it was created by taking action and seeing evidence that it worked.
That small win became proof that they could handle discomfort and that they had more agency than they thought.
If you’re wondering how you can you obtain a small win that shows momentum and ownership, here are a few ingredients I would recommend you do:
- define what you want to do or have as specifically as you can.
- identify the obstacles that are in your way and what needs to happen so that you can overcome them.
- analyse your options and decide on the most suitable, specific action to take.
- take that action, even if it’s imperfect and you repeat it over time.
What is one recent small win in your work or career you’re proud of?
